Words

As you can see, it's been a while since I have written. Written words have not come easily for me this last year. I think because to write, for me, means connecting to the truth of yourself. And after grad school I felt like I'd had plenty of truth, 130 pages of truth, ripped apart, revised, and bound into a thesis that felt like just a part of what I am. A hard part. I think this last year I have been searching for words. Attempting, and often failing, to solidify my experiences into weighted lines full of color and clarity. But, I wasn't feeling it. So I stopped writing, at least on paper or this screen. I've been collecting though. Snatching lines and images, love, and bits of beauty, but never making anything solid. But now it's time.

So I'm going to share a poem, one I started years ago, but for some reason today felt like it needed some tweaking. I think I've got it. I'd love to know what you think.

Love, Melinda

Stars

I had hurled the words

Now suspended in the air

“I am tired. I've had enough. I am finished.”

Perfected lines that screamed

For help, for truth

For something, different.

I had told him that I loved him

Made myself essential

As a hook

I was so afraid of losing

And we had searched for signs of life, for years

But now, I meant to cut, to slit, to sever.

The words hang between us

Bald bare, bone bare, and yellowing

Polished words kept inside this skull

Now ripped from their protective casing.

I was alone more than ever.

And yet, he stopped me,

Took my fists,

And carefully opened each finger

As if to reveal,

All those parts of me I chose to close

And there we stood, my fingers

Splayed out in his, like stars

And he caught my falling words

And placed them, gently, in my hands.