To the New Year

So I don't normally cut out an entire stanza of a poem, but the last half of To The New Year by M. S Merwin speaks to me as a beautifully soft reflection of the year.

so this is the sound of you

here and now whether or not

anyone hears it this is

where we have come with our age

our knowledge such as it is

and our hopes such as they are

invisible before us

untouched and still possible

I posted on Instagram and Facebook this list:

Here's to another wonderful 365 days of new choices and adventures, discovering new loves, cherishing friends, devouring good books, exploring new cities and countries and ideas, loving my family, realizing hopes and braving unknowns, growing with God, knowing my Savior, serving others, and being more grateful for an incredibly blessed life with so many people I love. #letsdothis

And that is exactly what I want my year to be in its long, drawn out form with that "go get 'em" spirit and all the months and memories jumbled together. 

But here in the beginning - in these first days of reflecting back on what I have learned in the previous 365 days - it is beautiful to see that all those unrealized hopes of last year and the years before are still sitting patiently on the list and, best of all, "still possible." 

So thank you, Mr. Merwin for the reminder of that quiet faith in good things to come. 

"All is Well! All is Well!"

“All is Well! All is Well!”

Emigration SA Ward

July 10^th, 2016

Hello brothers and sisters,

I am Melinda Rich, and I am excited to be speaking to you all, especially since speaking in my previous ward felt like addressing a congregation in Stake Conference, so your nice faces are far less intimidating. Also, I think there is no better way to introduce myself than by sharing the principles of the Gospel that have been filling my mind and heart as of late.

So as a way of introduction, I am going to tell you a little about myself in the past year. Last year I had a job I loved, teaching college English classes and working in a GED program to help people graduate high school. I had been working there for 5 years, when in January the supervisor in charge of the program started making rigid changes I felt were detrimental to my students’ educational success. By the end of August, I was ready to find another job and planned to leave by the end of the year.

But this is where God comes in, because I had my plan. I was going to find another job, use up all of my vacation hours on some super cool trips, finish out my classes with my students, and then be on my way by Christmas. But that is the problem with planning, isn’t it? Creating these expectations for how things will move forward. Most of them time, God has a totally different set of plans, and even though some of our details are similar, he has the perfectly drafted master plan, while comparatively it seems my plan is only a few doodles on a Wendy’s napkin.

And so, a month later, I was told it was nothing personal, but they were restructuring the program, and I found myself without a job, without insurance, and back at my parent’s house. I’ll be honest. I was mad. Mad and hurt at how I had been treated and mad that I didn’t go on more trips with the vacation hours I had lost. I had never been “let go” before, had never been ‘non-essential’, and so my pride was wounded, and I felt betrayed, lost, and uncertain of my future. But around the holidays I was reminded that “…The Lord shall comfort Zion, he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody” (2 Nephi 8:3). I was not alone, and as this scripture reminds us, God has a much brighter and abundant vision of our lives than we do. If I would be patient, my wounded heart would be comforted and blossom in joy with new life and new ideas.

In the moment however, I didn’t exactly see how that was going to happen. I sensed God’s hand, but doubted my ability to follow through, and I definitely have had to learn to stop fighting with God over my expectations and the preconceived design for my future. As it says in Mosiah 3:19, I needed to “yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and put off the natural man (that part that was fighting against God), and become a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and become as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” As I have been learning, I am pretty stubborn (and submission can be hard for me), and this major life change has become a test of strength and faith, and being willing to submit to those often simple enticings of the Spirit.

And so from the financial safety of my parent’s house I was able to restructure, and found myself going back to school, and eventually settling into one of my greatest loves: Genealogical Research and my family’s history. Now I recognize that look on your faces, some of you are worried I am going to spend the rest of my time telling you how amazing family history is. I won’t, even though it is true. What I want to describe in my remaining minutes is what it means to be strong in faith and to transcend our current situation when the unexpected happens and you find yourself submitting to the Lord’s plan, the Lord’s timing, or to things that are out of your control.

As I was going through the changes in my circumstances this past year, the first two verses of “Come, Come, Ye Saints” (Hymn #30) would occasionally repeat through my mind as a poem. As I thought through the words, it deepened my love and respect for our ecclesiastical ancestors and gave me a broader perspective on the power of their faith and experience and its example in our lives. It starts with the first two words, “Come, come.” What does “Come, Come” mean? When we sing it, those words seem to lose their meaning. “Come, Come” is like the phrases, “Oh come on,” or “Come now.” It is a phrase meant to tell us to “buck up” because things aren’t as bad as we think. The first verse reads:

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.


Though hard to you this journey may appear,

Grace shall be as your day.


'Tis better far for us to strive


Our useless cares from us to drive;

Do this, and joy your hearts will swell--


All is well! All is well!

(Emphasis added)

So this anthem of the pioneers was asking them to be strong, to see beyond their current “toil and labor” experience as it “appeared” to them – the aching bodies and miles of potential danger – and to see the joy and beauty of God’s grace in their lives. In turn, this hymn asks us to rethink our circumstances, drive out our “useless cares,” and to focus on the joy of striving in the Gospel and being grateful for those small gifts we are given. It is asking us to transcend or move beyond our current feelings for the hope of a better situation. The second verse continues in this vein, where those pioneers and our own hearts and minds and bodies are asked to “Gird up [our] loins, fresh courage take,” and remember, “our God will never us forsake.”

As I have studied these words, I realize this is not always easy to remember, and in this world full of violence, pain, distractions, heartache, and an endless loop of useless (though sometimes funny) Youtube videos and entire days spent streaming fictional shows on Netflix, our weekly sacramental reminder “to always remember Him” is more vital and potent than ever (D&C 20: 77,79). How easy it is to get caught up in the things of this world – or as President Eyring states, “covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible. Our own desires, rather than a feeling of “Thy will be done,”2 create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God. God is not unable to see us or communicate with us, but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time” (“Where is the Pavillion? – General Conference address, October 2012).

This past year I have often felt uncertain, in fact, I still don’t have a clear plan for the future, but when we lose faith and separate ourselves from God through steeping anger, an unwillingness to listen to the promptings of the Spirit, or even as the hymn suggests, staying in a negative headspace by “mourn[ing] and think[ing] our lot is hard,” we construct that barrier between ourselves and God, thus robbing ourselves of the joy to “wend our way” through life in faith in the Gospel and ultimately understand the swelling joy of the Atonement in our hearts.

As Elder F. Enzio Busche states in his talk, “Unleashing the Dormant Spirit,” “Paul declared to the Romans the indispensable need to live our lives by faith, as he says: “For whatsoever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). The original word in the Bible for the word sin is hamartia. The word hamartia means “missing the mark,” deriving from the sport of archery. In modern English we would probably call it “shooting an air ball.” When we do not do everything in our life in faith or, in other words, under the influence of the Holy Spirit, we are missing the mark. We are off target. When we are off target, we will not feel the confidence and joy and power of the Holy Spirit, and, therefore, we will have to learn to direct our desires toward repentance—we must change to bring us back on target.”

Repentance is then, essential in living a life of faith, especially when things are challenging. Our pioneer ancestors could have been justified in anger and hate towards those who pushed them from home to home, but instead their anthem reminds them to stop thinking their lot is hard, “tis not so, all is right.” Did they think they will sit down in heaven – “earn [their] great reward”, “if [they] now shun the fight” by keeping their hearts hardened and full of hatred? Therefore, to have strong faith in this world is a path of forgiveness and endurance – to be firm, solid, and steadfast despite the adversity – again to go beyond or transcend those base feelings.

As we build our faith on the principles of the Gospel, we must choose to “always remember” the great love of our Savior and His role in our lives because our remembrance of Him brings joy – real and true and lasting happiness – which comes only by and through faith – that steady daily action – in our Savior Jesus Christ. His Atonement – that victory over death – is the good news, our brightest vision, the most holy and transcendent act in the history of mankind. He moved beyond the grave – to cross over from mortality to immortality, to give mankind a different vision of the world – an “eye of faith” in an eternal future made possible through the Atonement. As we repent, learn of the true love and nature and character of God, as we push through doubt and uncertainty, and learn through His teachings what the pure love of Christ exemplifies, then we, like Him, transcend our current situations, grow in faith, and are able to open our hearts to the whisperings of the Spirit, which allows us access to the love and power of God.

This past year for me has been and continues to be a trek of endurance and faith like I have never known, and I am sure I will hear those chiding words “Come, come, Melinda. Things aren’t as bad as you think” go through my mind so many more times because my experience, as frustrating as it has been at times, my experience is not as challenging as some – debilitating diseases, daily abuse, murderous loss of loved ones, etc. What I know for sure is that in my moments of heartache and grief, my Savior and brother, “reaches my reaching.” He knows me, and loves me, and through His Atonement, he knows all heights and depths, persecutions, violence, pain, and uncertainty. If we seek to know and love our Savior, reach for His outstretched hand, and “remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12).

Our lives can feel uncertain, and it is our response to challenge that will determine our outcome. With a foundation in Christ, in repentance, and in love of our Father in Heaven, we can “fresh courage take,” because “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:2).

May we seek to learn from our challenges and grow in faith, not doubt, so that in end, as Elder Maxwell suggests “that cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy” (Maxwell - “But For A Small Moment”). 

“All is well,” brothers and sisters. “All is well!”

"A Perfect Brightness of Hope"

Looks like my blog has become a gallery for my talks in church. I'm definitely cool with that. Last week, while visiting Robbie in Talya in Texas, I was asked to speak in church this Sunday. All week long I thought I would talk about my new obsession: family history research and the importance of choice. After a week of recovering from an awesome vacation, moving out of my duplex apartment,  attending a two-day inspiring seminar, and mulling over my chosen topic all week, I sat down to write my talk Saturday night. As soon as I started writing, I knew I needed to make a major shift in focus. I still got in a little idea of family history and choice, but below is the talk I felt inspired to write. Thanks to my dad for letting me talk through my thoughts and helping me clarify themes. Love you! 

“A Perfect Brightness of Hope”

Melinda Rich

8/9/15 – Parley’s 7^th Ward

The guidance I was given for writing this talk was to speak on what inspires me. Well, I hope you are all ready for a 4-hour talk because I am inspired by a lot of things. I am inspired by my Outreach committee members and honorary committee members who help us set up chairs, fold programs, smile, ask people to schooch over, and help others feel welcome at church. I am inspired by my 4-year-old nephew who while driving in Northern Arizona with my parents, asked them to pull over so he could, as he said, “look at all of the beautiful things God made.” Darling, I know. But most particularly, I am inspired by the power and potential of people’s choices, or their use of God-given agency in the present and the past.

            Let me give you a little background for these choices in the present. I teach accelerated Reading and Writing classes in a GED program that is free to the public. In the five years I have taught there, I have been surrounded by and able to help facilitate major life choices for an incredible diversity of students. I have taught teenagers in the same class with an 87-year-old WWII veteran. I have taught leather-clad bikers, recovered (and not completely recovered) meth, heroine, cocaine, etc. addicts. I have had homeless students, a “paycheck away from homeless” students, millionaires, business owners, pre-missionaries, empty nesters, single parents, the list goes on. What unifies all of them is their decision to show up in their own lives. For whatever reason, each of these students didn’t finish high school, and have found themselves in my classroom decades, years, or months later ready to try again. I wish I could say that all of them make it through. If it was dependent on my belief in them, they would, but nearly half of the thousands of students I have taught don’t make it all the way through our program. Jobs change, work schedules conflict with classes, homework is overwhelming, or they give in to the story they have been told by others or themselves that they are not smart, not capable of success, a failure.

            Those students who make it through have found inside themselves that tiny spark of hope, the belief that circumstances can change, that they can have the life they want, that it is possible and attainable. And I am privileged to be able to fan the flames. In some classes I begin with the poem Hope by Emily Dickinson. It begins:

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

There is more to the poem, but doesn’t this first stanza create a beautiful image? Hope is potent. It is a present emotion, a never-ending confidence in a positive conclusion.

            That is where the tricky part comes in though because there is a lot of time in between feeling hope and the outcome, and during that length of time there is a lot of potential for breakdown. Several weeks ago, Isabel Rojas gave an incredible talk about the “mists of darkness” in Lehi’s dream or “the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads that they perish and are lost” (1 Nephi 12:17). After her talk, I looked at my students the next week and was again reminded that many of those nervous and excited people would choose to be hardened, blinded, and lost to the possibility of restarting their education and thus, negatively changing the outcome of their future and life for themselves and everyone they love.

             As I watch these two different choices unfold in my students’ thought processes and actions, I am reminded of the scripture, 2 Nephi 2:27, which states, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” God in His love and mercy has plainly set these two choices before us: do we act in ways that lead to hope, light, life, possibility, and connection to God and the Savior through the Atonement, or act in ways that lead to disconnection, captivity to our emotions and appetites, and death whether physical, emotional, or spiritual - which all sounds like the misery of the devil to me.  

             That might seem simplistic, but really I think it is just God showing us it doesn’t have to be complicated. Every choice, every intention is connected back to these two foundational options set before us in the beginning– do we choose agency made possible through hope of Christ’s Atonement, or Satan’s vision of sameness where we have no ability to choose. Whatever our choice, God has made His vision for us very clear. “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). God loves us and wants us to choose Him, the Atonement, and connection to His Gospel, and yet His great love for us is manifest in D&C 93:30, that “All truth [intelligences/people] is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence.” We get to choose. God cannot and will not choose for us “or else there is no existence” - no purpose for this life. Without choice, everything is the same, but that was Satan’s plan – and God isn’t going to choose that one.

              I know all of this sounds very heavy and intense, but to me it is freeing – it breaks through all of those mists of darkness – the confusion of the world, differing opinions, frustrations, heartbreak, loss, and the fear of unanswered questions that I see as I scroll through my Facebook wall, listen to presidential debates, and talk with friends and family. Our opportunity to “act for [our]sel[ves]” sets forth a clear path of intention to live and love as God does from a place of light and truth and power. One of my favorite phrases in scripture comes from 2 Nephi 31:20. It states, “Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”

                Because I can’t read this scripture to my students in class, they only get to see the steady, persistent wingbeat of hope from Emily Dickinson. In our revealed scriptures, however, we are given the truth of hope – it is a perfect brightness, a holistic vision of your possible, eternal future. This is such a beautiful way to live, and in this scripture God has given us language that shows a pattern to follow. Some of these sound easier than others, but it is clear from this scripture that we are not left alone. The equation states:

1. Press forward with steadfastness in Christ – Act with a firm, unshakable faith in the Light and Life of the World. - Believe in Him, His divinity, and the availability and efficacy of repentance through His love.
2. Have a perfect brightness of hope – again, sustain that holistic vision of your possible, eternal future
3. Have a love of God and of all men – which we all know at times may be a challenge, but as Elder Holland states in his talk, Lord, I Believe, “imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we.” Stay connected to God, love Him, and show that love by seeking to uplift those in the sphere in which He has placed us.
4. Press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ – Choose to immerse and nourish yourself with ideas that support “liberty and eternal life”, not captivity and death.
5. Endure to the end – fortify yourself, withstand challenge, hold steady in persecution, do not give up.

              The other side to the equation – the equal sign – if we do these things - “behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” As we talked about before, we are not alone in this process. In John 14:16-18 it reads, “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” When we accept the Atonement, when we take the sacrament each week and “take His name upon us” we are sanctified, made perfect and holy, so we can have the Spirit of truth abide with us always. We are told in Alma 34:36, “the Lord hath said he dwelleth not in unholy temples, but in the hearts of the righteous doth he dwell.”

Remember how hope “perches in the soul,” well this hope or the Spirit, is our guide to making decisions and discerning between truth and worldly deception. It clearly states “the world cannot receive it,” see it, or know it because it is not sanctified. The Spirit of truth or the Holy Ghost “sings the tune without the words” because the truth of eternal promise is too beautiful for words – it must be felt, received with open minds and open hearts. When we really receive it and actually open up, we can have that “perfect brightness,” the unspeakable joy of, at last, perceiving God’s love. “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9). God’s love is all around us, but we must choose to see it.

We, as members of the Christ of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, know this  “perfect brightness of hope” because the 14-year-old Joseph opened himself up to the Spirit. We are the benefactors of his choice to ask for more truth, and light, and understanding. The effect of his choice continues to roll forth, and the “perfect brightness” of eternal possibility has touched us all. For many of us it inspired our ancestors to make incredible choices to leave everything they had known, leave a country, a society, family, security, and place – for the promises of the Gospel. Many of us here or others in our lives have made those same incredible decisions and left behind a life they knew for a brighter one in the Gospel. We all have access to the infinite Atonement. Our acceptance of it can, if we choose, change the trajectory of our lives today, which in turn changes the lives of our descendants - just like Joseph, our ancestors, and ward members. The only way to lose the kingdom is to harden our hearts and reject the Spirit. D&C 93:31 states, “Behold, here is the agency of man, and here is the condemnation of man; because that which was from the beginning is plainly manifest unto them, and they receive not the light.” It is my hope that all of us can make choices that lead to life and the light of the Gospel, choices that draw us closer to God, and create connections of faith and kindness, as opposed to the perceptions of fear, mistrust, hatred, captivity, and the spiritual death of the devil rampant in all societies of the world, including our own.

As we already read, my students and all of us are free to act for ourselves, but know that God’s “hand is stretched out still” (Isaiah 9:17).  He wants us to pray and ask for help. If we make choices that take even the smallest steps toward Him, if we open the door to our hearts even the tiniest bit, have that faith as a mustard seed, then “the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10). That is how our hope stays strong, through those small incremental actions that keep the flame of hope burning bright.  The future is bright, brothers and sisters, brighter than we can imagine. May we help each other along the path to see our eternal potential, or as Lucy Mack Smith said, “we must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction that we may all sit down in heaven together.”

Fathers

Two weeks ago I was asked by the 1st councilor in my single's ward to speak on Father's day. Teasing him I asked what he wanted my topic to be. "Fathers," he said. Big shocker. :) The next two weeks I prayed, listened to talks, read stories, quotes, and articles on fathers, and read the scriptures and prayed to find the right words to say how I felt. There are always more words to say, but I have never had an easier time writing. The words just came and I felt blessed to be able to say them on this Father's Day especially. I hope you enjoy. 

Our Perfect Father

Father’s Day 2013

By Melinda Rich

When I was asked to speak on Father’s Day, I was immediately aware of how huge this topic really is. For the past weeks I have been reading, discussing, and praying to understand how I can make this topic more than just a talk on how awesome my dad is… which is true, but I pray that we will come to realize how blessed and loved we are by the multitude of fathers we are surrounded by daily.

Ok, so I know I said that this talk wouldn’t necessarily be about how amazing my dad is, but since he is here to listen, I hope you’ll indulge me for a momentJ I have been blessed as Nephi said, “to be born of goodly parents” and my father is one of the best men I know.  He has taught me to understand what the word father means in a tangible sense. My uncle used to say that children are like tiny scientists watching, experimenting, and hypothesizing as they grow. As I have watched my father over the years, I have seen the devoted consistency of his actions toward me and others, his acts and words of love, admonishment, and truth, his struggles and victories with health, relationships, and business, and have seen his unquenchable desire to help those around him to understand their own worth, the truth and clarity of God’s plan for us, the beauty and life in and of nature and humankind, and to see how important it is to keep our minds active through conversation, travel, laughter, and reading of the best books.

When I was younger and would get in an argument with my little brother (he was actually little then and not 6’7 like he is now) usually about him getting into my stuff or breaking something of mine, my dad would make us both sit down across from each other and he would talk to us about what it meant to love someone. Because I was older most of the words were directed at me, but he would make sure I understood that my little brother was more important than the cabbage patch doll or easy bake oven. And then for however long it took, he would make us each describe 10 things we loved about the other while looking into each other’s eyes. Robbie got off easy because he was 7 and would say things like, “She has pretty hair, or she gives good hugs…” but again, because I was older, my dad would ask that I be more specific, and give more than surface answers. One time I tried to get away with loving each of his individual eyelashes on one of his eyes. After that I had to give 50 things I loved… so that habit stopped pretty quick. Also, it is really hard to stay mad at someone when you are staring them in the eyes and, like Robbie always did, make funny faces or just lovingly smiled at me.

What I learned though this exercise, is that a loving father, understands his children, knows that they make mistakes, but helps them to see the truth of the situation. He helped me to understand that anger or frustration are not feelings that come from God, and that to choose love over those other emotions helps us draw closer to our Heavenly Father and to seek resolutions or communication instead of fights of about who was right or wrong. He was also quick to set me straight when I took his instructions flippantly or with insincerity.  As it says in D&C 121: 43-44 “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy, that he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” He was never mad when I would do these things, but firm and unflinching in the fact that I had disobeyed, but always explained in love, that honesty and obedience are always the better way. I am not saying that my dad is perfect, he’s not… sorry, Dad:) But he does seek to perfect himself through seeking the forgiveness of the Atonement.

I know, however, that this kind of interaction with fathers is not everyone’s experience. My own mother lost her parents in a fatal accident when she was 14, was raised by her aunt and uncle, and was left at that young age, like so many others in similar situations, with the remnants and pieced together memories of the father she misses, and experiences with her stand-in father figures to understand the meaning of father. I also have many friends who have never known their father due to death or abandonment, or others whose fathers were and are unkind, abusive, and violent. As I have talked with these different people, these challenges have shaped their understanding of fathers into a far different definition than my own. Many of them, though sadly not all, have learned from these often twisted traditions and have changed their own behavior and actions to reflect their understanding about the Gospel, repentance, and scriptural examples of true priesthood holders and loving fathers.

Even with these scriptural examples we do not have the day-to-day story, but rather have the mistakes, challenges, and shining moments to learn from. Some of my favorite scriptural fathers are Helaman and Alma the elder (Mosiah 27: 13-14). Helaman, the son of King Benjamin, having been taught by a righteous father (who wrote letters and discussed gospel truths with his sons on several occasions) led, through his strength and example, as it says in Alma 56: 10, his “two thousand ^asons, (for they are worthy to be called sons)” into battle against the armies of the Lamanites. Here is Helaman’s account:

 45 And now I say unto you, my beloved brother Moroni, that never had I seen ^aso great ^bcourage, nay, not amongst all the Nephites.

 46 For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very young) even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us, and he will ^anot suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth; we would not slay our brethren if they would let us alone; therefore let us go, lest they should overpower the army of Antipus.

 47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the ^aliberty of their ^bfathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their ^cmothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

I love this account because these young men, through immense faith and courage and years of care and instruction by their fathers and mothers, knew the sacred importance of the covenant their father’s had made, and were willing to die to uphold it for them. Also, through the guidance of Helaman, who led them as a father, not one of these young men was lost. It was not only the mothers of these young men that taught them to not doubt, but their literal fathers or those who stand in for them taught them to trust in God.

In reference to Alma the elder, we are told in Mosiah 27:14 as an angel from the Lord chastises Alma the younger and his brethren for seeking to destroy the church of God. “And again, the angel said: Behold, the Lord hath ^aheard the prayers of his people, and also the ^bprayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has ^cprayed with much faith concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the ^dknowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to ^econvince thee of the power and authority of God, that the ^fprayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.” It was the faith and consistent love of Alma’s father (as well as other church members) that called forth an angel to restore his son’s knowledge of “the power and authority of God,” and true principles of the Gospel, not the deceptions of the world created by a cunning Devil, known as the Father of lies and the father of contention.

All of these men are good and true examples, men who have learned through experience, hardships, challenges, forgiveness, and blessings of the Spirit to cultivate these godly attributes and faith. But these men are not perfect. In fact so many of our challenges that may come from and with our own fathers is because they are not perfect. But God has said in D&C 52:14 “And again, I will give unto you a pattern in all things, that ye may not be deceived; for Satan is abroad in the land, and he goeth forth deceiving the nations.” As I have said, often our earthly examples of fathers carry much more weight in our feelings toward men, fathers, and fatherhood because they are immediately before our faces and physically present in our lives. As I have said before, some people’s experiences with fathers are not full of faith or kindness. Many of the students I have taught in the past two years have had severe challenges caused by fathers who have been addicted to drugs and alcohol, which led them to abuse their wives, demean their children, and as it says in Ephesians 6:4 “provoke[d their] children to wrath… [instead of] bring[ing] them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Not all of these abuses were because of addiction. Many of these fathers had also fallen into the traditions of the world, that teaches dominion over women and children, which in turn teaches these women they are worthless or only to be used, which creates enemies within the family and destruction of home life. And though we in this single’s ward might hope we are free of these experiences in our own lives, often we have let these worldly, oversexualized, uncommitted, “boys will be boys” images of fathers and men deceive us into thinking much of this behavior is normal, natural, manly, and desired… but let us not be deceived. The natural man or woman is an enemy to God and these philosophies are not in keeping with the truths of the restored Gospel.

Whether good or bad, God has said He will give us a pattern in all things, ALL THINGS, FATHERLY THINGS. In fact, he has given us the most perfect, kind, loving, understanding pattern and example of a father that could ever be. He has given Himself as our ultimate pattern. Countless scriptures tell us of our Heavenly Father’s attributes and Joseph Smith described his Heavenly Father as such:

“While one portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and paternal regard; He views them as His offspring, and without any of those contracted feelings that influence the children of men…We admit that God is the great source and fountain from whence proceeds all good; that He is perfect intelligence, and that His wisdom is alone sufficient to govern and regulate the mighty creations and worlds which shine and blaze with such magnificence and splendor over our heads, as though touched with His finger and moved by His Almighty word. … God sees the secret springs of human action, and knows the hearts of all living…The purposes of our God are great, His love unfathomable, His wisdom infinite, and His power unlimited; therefore, the Saints have cause to rejoice and be glad, knowing that ‘this God is our God forever and ever, and He will be our Guide until death.’ [Psalm 48:14.]”

But one of the descriptions I love most of Heavenly Father is by Heber C. Kimball. He said, “God is the happiest of men. I am perfectly satisfied that my Father and my God is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured being. Why? Because I am cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured when I have His Spirit… that arises from the perfection of his attributes; He is a jovial, lively person, and a beautiful man.” I LOVE this. Because in this statement we are given the key to Heavenly Father’s pattern. We can be like Him, and are like him, when we have his Spirit with us. Men who follow worldly examples of fatherhood are not living worthy of the Spirit and are then, not like God. The Spirit here, as in all other situations, is our guide to understanding what manner of men and women we ought to be (3 Nephi 27:27). We should be even as God is. God is love and life. When I think of the best moments I have had with my brothers, father, cousins, friends, etc… it is when these men are their best selves: kind, funny, generous, patient, supportive, protective, strong, and good.

Every relationship we are in teaches us how to be a better man or women, daughter, son, father or mother. I am the only girl in my family, which I love, and though I have been chased, teased, and sometimes sat on by my older or younger brothers, being surrounded by these men, my father and brothers, my uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, students, classmates, etc., has taught me to see and understand the perfect imperfections of loving fathers and fathers-to-be. As the men in our lives seek the council our the greatest father, our Heavenly Father, learn of him, through him, and by him, His perfect perfections will become clear as they seek to have his Spirit with them and repent of trespasses when committed. As women, we can encourage, love, support, and even at times demand that these men love us and treat us as our Father in Heaven would. We women, can also seek His Spirit to perfect our own imperfections, misunderstandings, and challenges. As we do this we will be more like our Father in Heaven also. We will understand the men in our lives and gain understanding that creates love, and unity, not contention or criticism.

God’s pattern is perfect, because he is perfect, but as I think I have repeated enough times now, we are not. As Elder Holland requested in his most recent conference talk, (forgive a few embellishments) “so be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church (or a family) led by … mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work….so be patient and kind and forgiving.” I hope that today as we gather with our families, call our fathers in other states or countries, or remember our fathers who may have passed on or who may not be in our lives for whatever reasons, that we will remember to forgive them of their shortcomings and love them for their care, guidance, kindness, and love.  May we also remember that we are loved by our Father in Heaven and that as we look to our perfect Father in Heaven and live worthily to have his spirit and guidance with us always, we can be come more like him and grow and change through the Atonement and God’s plan of happiness into the men and women, fathers and mothers that God has shown us how to be.